Debra Askanase has an interesting post, Front Yard and Back Yard Conversations, about the progression of relationships in social media.
Go read it. I’ll be here waiting for you when you return.
She suggests that many social media platforms are like front yards and that relationships really develop in people’s back yards where the private conversations can continue.
I like her analogy. And, I’d like to offer a different twist on her analogy.
Social media platforms are like front porches and Greek porticos.
I live in an urban neighborhood, less than 2 minutes from downtown Dallas, TX. It’s a historic district with 1920’s style craftsman homes, big wrap around porches and large oak trees lining the streets.
It’s what I call a 21st century Norman Rockwell picturesque neighborhood as you see families of all ethnicities, religions, types and sizes, walking, bicycling, playing in yards, checking in on each other, sharing garden tips, going through life’s daily routine together. It’s hard to imagine that we are just seconds from blocks of skyscrapers, major highways and bumper-to-bumper traffic congestion.
It’s a culturally diverse and unique neighborhood. Our own urban oasis in a large metroplex of more than 6.5 million people.
Our front porches are the hub of activity. They are today’s version of the ancient Greeks porticos, the meeting places where conversations about life, politics, families, spirituality and the meaning of existence occur. Often, the kids play in our front and back yards simultaneously. If you’re walking in our neighborhood, you’re considered part of the community family and we wave from our front porch and greet you. Our porches with our porch swings and Adirondack chairs are the center of our lives. Gathering on each other’s porch is as common as buying groceries or talking on the phone.
I believe that many social media platforms have become today’s front porches and ancient Greek porticos. In social media, LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook Fan pages often serve as our wave from the porch so to speak. Deciding whether you wave back is as easy as opting in or following someone. If you stop to talk to us, by sending us a reply or message in a social network, we may invite you to our porch to continue the discussion. Our porches are similar to blogs, Twitter Chats and eCommunities. They are places where we can have deeper discussions and continue the relationship.
But for that relationship to go deeper, we may invite you into our home. If we invite you into our house, you immediately gain “Refrigerator Rights.” Refrigerator Rights are special privileges to open our refrigerator door and help yourself. It’s similar to Creative Commons where we give you access to all that is ours.
The people on our porch and in our yard don’t necessarily have Refrigerator Rights unless they enter our home. And typically, we invite them in first.
For me, Refrigerator Rights are social media’s equivalent to moving online conversations to offline via phone or a face-to-face. Refrigerator Rights are when we connect face-to-face at a MeetUp or conference or have a meal together. It’s when we take the relationship deeper, exposing our hidden secrets that avatars and 140 character texts don’t show. Refrigerator Rights are the relationships with others that you feel comfortable, cared for and relaxed. They know the real you behind the avatar.
In social media and relationships, if we connect through a wave (social media message), have a porch conversation (deeper communication in an eCommunity or blog), we may invite you into our home and give you Refrigerator Rights-agree to extended conversations on the phone or in person. The beauty of social media is that it’s given rise to global front porches and worldwide Refrigerator Rights.
So, what analogy would you use for social media and relationships that reflect your part of the world?
Jeff – I forgot all about “refrigerator rights!” Great call – they’re the ones you think of almost as family. It’s been interesting to see how “families” have evolved on social media platforms as well; the ones who have each other’s backs by pointing out interesting stories or introducing people to each other, or who give “shout outs,” or RT blog posts. These folks have migrated to my back door and many have refrigerator rights. The virtual families.
Thanks for the big compliment by linking to and extending my original post in new and different ways!
Jeff, do you go all the way from front porch to refrigerator rights in one sweep? Here in the Midwest, we tend to have one more step between the porch and the frig.
In social media it would be that first cup of coffee, meal, meet up etc. If we connect as well in person as online, then you might be eligible to access that frig.
If we don’t connect as expected, it was an interesting hour. And we are richer for the experience – but sorry, you don’t get to see my science experiments yet!
I’ve know about but have never heard the term ‘refrigerator rights’ but love it! This got me thinking about those neighborhood kids… maybe friends of your kids… who don’t bother with the formalities and barge right in and open the refrigerator door. Essentially they are making the assumptive close – assuming that they will be close friends so no need to bother with the chit chat first. We often find those types hard to resist. Not sure where I’m going with that thought but… is there room for the barging in?!?
@Debra – Thanks for starting this discussion of social media and relationships. I really liked your analogy of front and back yard relationships.
@Cynthia I love your sense of humor! You always make me smile – “…but sorry, you don’t get to see my science experiments yet!” Yes, if you get invited through my front door, you get to see all my science experiments, not just those in the refrigerator. I grew up in southwest VA and my parents always welcomed everyone through the front door as a trusted member of the family.
The great thing about social media and relationships is that everyone can engage in building those relationships at their preferred pace and style.
@Rachel
Oh yes, we’ve all had kids that just barge in and help themselves. IMO, there is something attractive about that child-like or teen innocence, trust and ignorance of society’s norms. Now, when we have a nosy neighbor like Bewitched’s Gladys Kravitz, that just barges in, that can be unnerving.
The uninvited neighbor that has no self-awareness can often be like the social media spammers that highjack Twitter hashtags, spam us with self-promotional email and general make our lives miserable. Kids, I’m more tolerant of their behavior. Nosy neighbors with ill intentions—that’s different.
Jeff, I love the analogies. Like Cynthia, I’m also a Midwesterner who prefers another step or two between porch and fridge… at least a beer on my couch in front of the Sunday football game before refrigerator rights are granted!
Of course, the VERY special friends are likely to be already waiting in my living room for me to get home, having already gone ahead and stocked my fridge with their snacks and beverages of choice. Would those be the VERY special social media friends who are trusted to moderate one’s forums or (for some) help with the company updates while one is away?
@Serenity
Thanks for the comment. I love the idea of having those true trusted friends already waiting for me to arrive home with the refrigerator stocked. I think you just found a fantastic analogy for what Chris Brogran calls “Trust Agents.” Very cool!
Jeff, I love posts that have cool analogies!
I’ve got a backyard kind of house. That’s where we love to hang. In my hood, there’s one more filter to think about…that’s my dog, Rooney. You see Rooney is real protective (especially of my wife and Kids) and he can look pretty darn ferocious. When he first sees ya, he’s going to bark like crazy. If that doesn’t scare you off, he’s going to check you out very carefully. If you make it through those first few minutes, you’re OK for fridge rights.
That kind of reminds me of people I meet online. Before I engage or really trust them, I’m going to do some sniffing around. That may include digging into them on the net and finding out what kind of Google juice they got. It may also mean picking the brain of someone that I trust that is a mutual connection.
So for us, before giving you Fridge rights, you got to pass “Rooney’s sniff test.”
Dave Lutz – @velchain
@VelChain
What a great analogy and picture, passing the “Rooney sniff test,” before gaining Fridge Rights. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that one.
Someone on my blog made an addition to this:
if you get the refrigerator RIGHTS, you also get the refrigerator RESPONSIBILITIES
In other words, you’ve also got to help do the cleaning