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Debra Askanase has an interesting post, Front Yard and Back Yard Conversations, about the progression of relationships in social media.
Go read it. I’ll be here waiting for you when you return.
She suggests that many social media platforms are like front yards and that relationships really develop in people’s back yards where the private conversations can continue.
I like her analogy. And, I’d like to offer a different twist on her analogy.
Social media platforms are like front porches and Greek porticos.
I live in an urban neighborhood, less than 2 minutes from downtown Dallas, TX. It’s a historic district with 1920’s style craftsman homes, big wrap around porches and large oak trees lining the streets.
It’s what I call a 21st century Norman Rockwell picturesque neighborhood as you see families of all ethnicities, religions, types and sizes, walking, bicycling, playing in yards, checking in on each other, sharing garden tips, going through life’s daily routine together. It’s hard to imagine that we are just seconds from blocks of skyscrapers, major highways and bumper-to-bumper traffic congestion.
It’s a culturally diverse and unique neighborhood. Our own urban oasis in a large metroplex of more than 6.5 million people.
Our front porches are the hub of activity. They are today’s version of the ancient Greeks porticos, the meeting places where conversations about life, politics, families, spirituality and the meaning of existence occur. Often, the kids play in our front and back yards simultaneously. If you’re walking in our neighborhood, you’re considered part of the community family and we wave from our front porch and greet you. Our porches with our porch swings and Adirondack chairs are the center of our lives. Gathering on each other’s porch is as common as buying groceries or talking on the phone.
I believe that many social media platforms have become today’s front porches and ancient Greek porticos. In social media, LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook Fan pages often serve as our wave from the porch so to speak. Deciding whether you wave back is as easy as opting in or following someone. If you stop to talk to us, by sending us a reply or message in a social network, we may invite you to our porch to continue the discussion. Our porches are similar to blogs, Twitter Chats and eCommunities. They are places where we can have deeper discussions and continue the relationship.
But for that relationship to go deeper, we may invite you into our home. If we invite you into our house, you immediately gain “Refrigerator Rights.” Refrigerator Rights are special privileges to open our refrigerator door and help yourself. It’s similar to Creative Commons where we give you access to all that is ours.
The people on our porch and in our yard don’t necessarily have Refrigerator Rights unless they enter our home. And typically, we invite them in first.
For me, Refrigerator Rights are social media’s equivalent to moving online conversations to offline via phone or a face-to-face. Refrigerator Rights are when we connect face-to-face at a MeetUp or conference or have a meal together. It’s when we take the relationship deeper, exposing our hidden secrets that avatars and 140 character texts don’t show. Refrigerator Rights are the relationships with others that you feel comfortable, cared for and relaxed. They know the real you behind the avatar.
In social media and relationships, if we connect through a wave (social media message), have a porch conversation (deeper communication in an eCommunity or blog), we may invite you into our home and give you Refrigerator Rights-agree to extended conversations on the phone or in person. The beauty of social media is that it’s given rise to global front porches and worldwide Refrigerator Rights.
So, what analogy would you use for social media and relationships that reflect your part of the world?
I’m tired of well-intentioned adults slamming adults, teens and kids that text. Especially those that text each other while in the same room.
Is texting leading to the decline of relationships?
I’m sick of association and organization leaders knocking online communities, social networks and live chats as inferior to face-to-face experiences.
I’m also fed-up with event producers and face-to-face conference organizers bashing virtual experiences.
You know, you’ve heard and read these comments too. Here are a few examples.
- “I can’t believe my teen was texting his friend who was sitting next to him. Couldn’t they just talk to each other?” (Fess up if you’ve said that about your kids or grandkids!)
- “All this texting and online communication is leading to the decline of real human relationships.”
- “There is more power in live face-to-face events than in virtual experiences.”
- “Online and virtual experiences lead to isolation and people who engage in online experiences don’t know how to communicate in person.”
Why the harsh judgment against people who prefer to do something different from you? I don’t get it. It comes across as condescending, bullying and you just look like an outdated, moth-eaten, dust-covered prom dress stuck in the back of your closet. You show yourself as a crusty curmudgeon unwilling to face, or perhaps scared of, change and the unknown.
Then there’s corporate event producer Shelia Stack who has written three posts denouncing virtual meetings and experiences.
- Can Live Meetings Really Be Replaced By Virtual Meetings
- Virtual Vs. Live Meetings A Tale Of Two Trainings Part I
- Virtual Vs. Live Meetings A Tale Of Two Trainings Part II
Well, of course she disapproves of virtual experiences. She makes her money from producing face-to-face experiences. So, she’s denouncing her own competition.
And in case you think I’m picking on Ms. Stack and she’s a colleague of yours, then substitute the name of any event producer for her name. Or substitute the name of your boss, your parents, your grandparents or any person that denounces internet and mobile interactions. It’s not about Ms. Stack. It’s about the ubiquitous beliefs that she and others possess that online and mobile communications are leading to the decline of society. Ms. Stack is just willing to share them publicly on her blog.
Traditional Teens Texting Each Other Story As Reason Virtual Experiences Flawed
Stack shares the traditional story of two teens texting each other while sitting next to each other in the same room. And of course, adults were present to scream foul at this absurd habit. (Perhaps, just perhaps, these teens were texting each other about the adults present!)
Regarding the two teens texting, she says:
“…As you ponder the question this presents, the concerns it raises about our decreasing ability to relate to each other face-to-face, the increasing predominance of technology into every facet of our lives…also ponder this: Are you considering holding your next corporate meeting in virtual space?”
Whoa, that’s death by association if you’ve ever seen it. Death to the corporate virtual experience because of our increased use of technology and decreased ability to relate in face-to-face.
I posted a comment on her blog but she never approved it. Guess it was too biting for her.
Haven’t we heard these stories before, like those from the music, newspaper and media industries? Sounds familiar, right? Perhaps Ms. Stack should look at the facts and think about restructuring her business to include and embrace virtual experiences as part of the face-to-face experience. (For the record, I’m not an “either, or” kind of guy. I’m a “both, and” person and I believe both virtual and face-to-face experiences have a place! I say, long live the hybrid meeting! I also am a firm believer in using the best strategy and tools to reach your goals.)
Technology Use Does Not Lead To Isolation Or Poor Relationships
People said the same thing about other disruptive innovations such as CBs, the phone, television and email as they say today about mobile devices, social networks and texting. People cried foul that it was the end of live experiences, real communication and relationships. These new tools would end life, as we know it. However…
According to a new, November 2009 study from Pew Internet and American Life Project, technology does not lead to social isolation. Researchers found that online participation and mobile phone leads to larger and more diverse discussion networks. (Did you get that naysayers?)
“And, when we examine people’s full personal network – their strong and weak ties – internet use in general and use of social networking services such as Facebook in particular are associated with more diverse social networks,” the report overview says.
That’s right, mobile phones and online communities led to more diverse networks. Not a decline of relationships.
Regarding Face-To-Face Meetings Being Better Than Virtual
Ms. Stack chose some interesting words to describe face-to-face meetings versus virtual. She says, “Without live interactions the relationship goes cold.”
Whoa. No she didn’t just write that, did she? She is saying that without face-to-face meetings, the relationships go cold.
Is she saying virtual experiences are not live? Is texting not a live human interaction with another human? Are virtual experiences part of non-life, the living dead? (Yes, if you’re a parent of a teen, you think of your texting child as zombie like. They seem to be in the text-zone!) Is she saying that the only type of communication that sustains a relationship is a face-to-face experience?
What about families that communicate virtually with their loved ones in the military across the seas? What about spouses that communicate via text, email and phone during a day? Is she saying those aren’t valid, that they are lifeless and dead?
It’s still live interaction whether it’s face-to-face or virtual. It’s still “in real life.” Stop saying it’s not.
From the Pew Internet & American Life Project, “Our findings also suggest that there is little to the argument that new information and communication technologies decrease participation in traditional, local social settings associated with having a diverse social network.”
Regarding Online Social Networks And Communities
I’ve developed some amazing rich relationships with like-minded professionals though virtual experiences. I actually have a vibrant community of people online in eCommunites, FaceBook, Linked and Twitter that I turn to for real life interaction, advice and insight.
I would have never met these people at a face-to-face event because of sheer limitations of time and space. Now I want to go to face-to-face events to continue those relationships and be within the other’s presence. That’s driving me to attend the face-to-face event more than the content, or the speaker, or the tradeshow. Interesting how virtual is pushing me to face-to-face. These people I’ve met and communicate with online have become my core discussion networks.
According the Pew Internet and American Life Project,
“…Contrary to the considerable concern that people’s use of the internet and cell phones could be tied to the trend towards smaller networks, we find that ownership of a mobile phone and participation in a variety of internet activities are associated with larger and more diverse core discussion networks.”
H-m-m-m, ownership of a mobile phone and participation in internet activies leads to larger and more diverse networks. (If you’re a teen reading this and don’t have a mobile phone, there’s the leverage you need with your parents!)
Regarding Online Learning and Face-To-Face Trainings
By the way, there’s been plenty of research that shows online learning in virtual experience trumps face-to-face learning. Just read here and here and here to see for yourself.
So let’s stop the faulty thinking that virtual does not sustain a relationship or that it is not live interaction with another human. Let’s stop denouncing virtual experiences, admit that it’s here to stay and move to discussing how to integrate them for the best for everyone.
Whether it’s virtual or face-to-face, it’s still valid for today with valid communication models. And both have their place in today’s world.
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