I’m tired of well-intentioned adults slamming adults, teens and kids that text. Especially those that text each other while in the same room.
Is texting leading to the decline of relationships?
I’m sick of association and organization leaders knocking online communities, social networks and live chats as inferior to face-to-face experiences.
I’m also fed-up with event producers and face-to-face conference organizers bashing virtual experiences.
You know, you’ve heard and read these comments too. Here are a few examples.
- “I can’t believe my teen was texting his friend who was sitting next to him. Couldn’t they just talk to each other?” (Fess up if you’ve said that about your kids or grandkids!)
- “All this texting and online communication is leading to the decline of real human relationships.”
- “There is more power in live face-to-face events than in virtual experiences.”
- “Online and virtual experiences lead to isolation and people who engage in online experiences don’t know how to communicate in person.”
Why the harsh judgment against people who prefer to do something different from you? I don’t get it. It comes across as condescending, bullying and you just look like an outdated, moth-eaten, dust-covered prom dress stuck in the back of your closet. You show yourself as a crusty curmudgeon unwilling to face, or perhaps scared of, change and the unknown.
Then there’s corporate event producer Shelia Stack who has written three posts denouncing virtual meetings and experiences.
- Can Live Meetings Really Be Replaced By Virtual Meetings
- Virtual Vs. Live Meetings A Tale Of Two Trainings Part I
- Virtual Vs. Live Meetings A Tale Of Two Trainings Part II
Well, of course she disapproves of virtual experiences. She makes her money from producing face-to-face experiences. So, she’s denouncing her own competition.
And in case you think I’m picking on Ms. Stack and she’s a colleague of yours, then substitute the name of any event producer for her name. Or substitute the name of your boss, your parents, your grandparents or any person that denounces internet and mobile interactions. It’s not about Ms. Stack. It’s about the ubiquitous beliefs that she and others possess that online and mobile communications are leading to the decline of society. Ms. Stack is just willing to share them publicly on her blog.
Traditional Teens Texting Each Other Story As Reason Virtual Experiences Flawed
Stack shares the traditional story of two teens texting each other while sitting next to each other in the same room. And of course, adults were present to scream foul at this absurd habit. (Perhaps, just perhaps, these teens were texting each other about the adults present!)
Regarding the two teens texting, she says:
“…As you ponder the question this presents, the concerns it raises about our decreasing ability to relate to each other face-to-face, the increasing predominance of technology into every facet of our lives…also ponder this: Are you considering holding your next corporate meeting in virtual space?”
Whoa, that’s death by association if you’ve ever seen it. Death to the corporate virtual experience because of our increased use of technology and decreased ability to relate in face-to-face.
I posted a comment on her blog but she never approved it. Guess it was too biting for her.
Haven’t we heard these stories before, like those from the music, newspaper and media industries? Sounds familiar, right? Perhaps Ms. Stack should look at the facts and think about restructuring her business to include and embrace virtual experiences as part of the face-to-face experience. (For the record, I’m not an “either, or” kind of guy. I’m a “both, and” person and I believe both virtual and face-to-face experiences have a place! I say, long live the hybrid meeting! I also am a firm believer in using the best strategy and tools to reach your goals.)
Technology Use Does Not Lead To Isolation Or Poor Relationships
People said the same thing about other disruptive innovations such as CBs, the phone, television and email as they say today about mobile devices, social networks and texting. People cried foul that it was the end of live experiences, real communication and relationships. These new tools would end life, as we know it. However…
According to a new, November 2009 study from Pew Internet and American Life Project, technology does not lead to social isolation. Researchers found that online participation and mobile phone leads to larger and more diverse discussion networks. (Did you get that naysayers?)
“And, when we examine people’s full personal network – their strong and weak ties – internet use in general and use of social networking services such as Facebook in particular are associated with more diverse social networks,” the report overview says.
That’s right, mobile phones and online communities led to more diverse networks. Not a decline of relationships.
Regarding Face-To-Face Meetings Being Better Than Virtual
Ms. Stack chose some interesting words to describe face-to-face meetings versus virtual. She says, “Without live interactions the relationship goes cold.”
Whoa. No she didn’t just write that, did she? She is saying that without face-to-face meetings, the relationships go cold.
Is she saying virtual experiences are not live? Is texting not a live human interaction with another human? Are virtual experiences part of non-life, the living dead? (Yes, if you’re a parent of a teen, you think of your texting child as zombie like. They seem to be in the text-zone!) Is she saying that the only type of communication that sustains a relationship is a face-to-face experience?
What about families that communicate virtually with their loved ones in the military across the seas? What about spouses that communicate via text, email and phone during a day? Is she saying those aren’t valid, that they are lifeless and dead?
It’s still live interaction whether it’s face-to-face or virtual. It’s still “in real life.” Stop saying it’s not.
From the Pew Internet & American Life Project, “Our findings also suggest that there is little to the argument that new information and communication technologies decrease participation in traditional, local social settings associated with having a diverse social network.”
Regarding Online Social Networks And Communities
I’ve developed some amazing rich relationships with like-minded professionals though virtual experiences. I actually have a vibrant community of people online in eCommunites, FaceBook, Linked and Twitter that I turn to for real life interaction, advice and insight.
I would have never met these people at a face-to-face event because of sheer limitations of time and space. Now I want to go to face-to-face events to continue those relationships and be within the other’s presence. That’s driving me to attend the face-to-face event more than the content, or the speaker, or the tradeshow. Interesting how virtual is pushing me to face-to-face. These people I’ve met and communicate with online have become my core discussion networks.
According the Pew Internet and American Life Project,
“…Contrary to the considerable concern that people’s use of the internet and cell phones could be tied to the trend towards smaller networks, we find that ownership of a mobile phone and participation in a variety of internet activities are associated with larger and more diverse core discussion networks.”
H-m-m-m, ownership of a mobile phone and participation in internet activies leads to larger and more diverse networks. (If you’re a teen reading this and don’t have a mobile phone, there’s the leverage you need with your parents!)
Regarding Online Learning and Face-To-Face Trainings
By the way, there’s been plenty of research that shows online learning in virtual experience trumps face-to-face learning. Just read here and here and here to see for yourself.
So let’s stop the faulty thinking that virtual does not sustain a relationship or that it is not live interaction with another human. Let’s stop denouncing virtual experiences, admit that it’s here to stay and move to discussing how to integrate them for the best for everyone.
Whether it’s virtual or face-to-face, it’s still valid for today with valid communication models. And both have their place in today’s world.
You make a GREAT case, Jeff. It’s interesting to note that apparently the latter 17th century saw a rise in alarm over the growing quantity of books. The more popular a new technology it seems the more it must face fear and public criticism. I agree that it doesn’t have to be either/or. But healthy debate usually sheds light on these subjects for a lot of us. On a side note, my daughter moved to Canada last year and I thank God everyday for iChat. It almost feels like she never left!!
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeffhurt: Since When Did Virtual Not Become A Live Experience? #eventprofs #assnchat http://ow.ly/zBPo...
just a random thought, new technology always feels like a threat to those in established positions. when new tech arrives, there is always a fear of “am i behind the class??” a quick and easy way to deal with the fear of feeling inferior is to denigrate the new system. it’s generally a pointless exercise.
i was scared to death of twitter, felt lost and confused and insecure, so i made fun of it. Now I’m tweeting in #eventprofs chats like a pro. what fun. but i was only able to do this by going thru a membrane of feeling awfully new and stupid for a while. (commercial announcement: learning to cope with feeling that is a big part of my presentations, btw!
i think it falls to us to perhaps be more forgiving of the luddites and bring them into the fold that way, and understand their fear rather than condemn it. i think the power of the technology is overwhelming and will take care of itself. –jl
The quality of either experience (virtual or face-to-face) is relative. You wouldn’t want to settle for texting with your husband or wife on your anniversary when you’ve both come to expect some “extra-curricular activity,” right? However, if your significant other is in another country on that special day and it just wasn’t meant to be, texting and email may be all you can manage. In any interaction, the quality of the experience depends on who you are engaging with, whether both are comfortable in the exchange and whether the outcome is good or bad. Generalizing one way or the other is a dangerous move. Some may prefer face-to-face engagement while others find virtual experiences much more efficient. Both arguments have merit. I think the bigger question is how do we bring everyone into the conversation in a way that is both fruitful and desirable?
@Jenise
Thanks for adding to the discussion. Great example from the 17th century too. Yes, we’ll continue to see this struggle as new technologies arrive.
@Justin
Thanks for stopping by. You always shed light in new directions and it’s a joy to read.
I so agree with you that it’s really about dealing with our emotions, acknowledging our resistance as fear or not wanting to change, or whatever else we are feeling. Yet, regardless how we feel, whether we want it or not, change continues and technology still innovates. Our feelings can’t stop it.
I’m all for helping the ignorant learn. Acknowledging ignorance requires being teachable and the desire to learn and try new things. Heck I’ll share most of what I’ve learned anytime. Yet, on the other hand, I’m not too patient with those that are closed-minded and claim to know it all. Especially, when they announce from their blogs the only supposed truth and refuse to engage in conversations with others, denying comments and discussion.
Michelle:
Good points and thanks for adding them. It made me laugh outloud!
Personal preference is so important to the experience and learning. There is a time and place for face-to-face and virtual, and there are so many variables involved.
Educator Jane Bozarth says it best for me, “Sequential, linear thinkers tend to have a hard time following it (virtual online experiences such as chat). But you know what? 21st century information is going to be messy, and those who can deal with that messiness and the accompanying ambiguity will be ahead of the pack.”
While I may prefer things a certain way, my goal is not to let my preferences rob me of new experiences or interfere with learning. It’s about having an open mind, open arms and open hearts. And yes, it’s about the quality of the experience as you said!
Hi Jeff,
Great Post! You know how I feel about this subject, so you understand I am right there with you.
Regarding the two kids texting, I wonder if Ms. Stack realizes they are just using a back channel (and more polite way) of communication. The alternative is those kids could have been chatting out loud disturbing everyone else with their comments when in fact they were just exercising their right of privacy.
I think people need to plain and simple get over the fact that people are tweeting and chatting on their smartphones during a presentation and realize that oftentimes this activity just means people are engaged and interested in what is going on around them. They are just connecting with their peers and like-minded tribe members to banter about things.
I love it… you know I passionately believe in mixing in Virtual and live components together cuz it extends the reach and depth of the conversation. Justin hit the nail ahead, when a person is afraid of something, they attack it, like an animal cornered with no where to go.
Eventually people will get on board with all this… we “early adopters” just need to keep fighting the good fight!
You are a leader in that arena Jeff, thanks for your thoughtful and passionate post!
@michaelmccurry
Michael:
Thanks for dropping by and adding to the discussion. Yeah, I know how you feel and you lead by example!
I guess it really is about managing our emotions as things change at rapid place. If you ever see me being backed into the corner with no where to go and I lash out, pick up the phone and let me know I’m out of line! Thanks again Michael.
well jeff i am glad you liked my comment
one of my “principles of applied stupidity” is: information flows from smart to dumb. in other words, the smarter i think i am, the less i learn, and the dumber i allow myself to be and appear, the more people rush to me with knowledge. no shame in not knowing.
i also enjoyed the comment on linear thinking– most of our school experience is all linear in its approach to 101, 202, etc . . . folks steeped in that factory tradition are going to have a harder time adjusting perhaps.
tradition dies hard. my heart is with john henry, but my money is on the steam drill. – jl
@Justin
I laughed out loud again! Thanks. I’m with you. I think it’s perfectly ok to be ignorant.
@Michelle
I wanted to capture your tweet here. It was worth adding to the discussion. “And another thing. Event organizers will be afraid until the revenue streams from SM become as easy to come by as in f2f events.” I responded with “Gd point although I don’t think the revenue streams will be as easy in F2F events any more.”
Jeff, got to admit that when I read the first 1/2 of this long winded post, I was thinking to myself – “Holy crap…has Jeff lost it? Face2face is always superior to virtual.” Then you kind of switched gears and talked about your preferences for Hybrid. Whew, I’m with ya now.
Here’s my take. You and I have never met. I think you’re a real smart guy, engaging, and if I were ever to do a Twitter List, you’d be on it for sure. Bottom line for me though is that I need to look you in your eyes, have a beer or cup of coffee together to get to the point that I would trust you enough to buy or partner with you.
The beauty of face2face meetings is that I can have 10 – 20 of these trust building encounters each day (I drink lots of coffee) and take my personal network to a whole other level. I’m a pretty good read of people, but admit that my confidence level goes way up when it’s a face2face encounter.
Here’s another example. If I were a hiring manager and was looking for a new employee, I might do a phone interview and even spy on their LinkedIn or Facebook account, even check a couple references. I’ll have a good gut feel after that. But, I’m not making an offer until I spend some quality time face2face – asking them questions, reading their body language, and seeing how they are able to connect in a real life situation. Face2face closes deals…virtual and social networks help open more doors.
My closing thought is that I can improve my Professional Development either virtually or physically, but if I want to bring money into my business (Business Development) the cash register rings a whole lot more face2face.
Dave Lutz – @velchain
Velvet Chainsaw Consulting
@Velchain Yeah, it’s a long winded post for sure. I sat on it for several days.
I get that about partnering with someone. I totally understand. Buying…well, depends on what I’m buying. I buy from people I’ve never met. [I'll buy books, music and clothing online.]
We are also on the same page that when someone does meet face-to-face the relationship deepens. I totally agree. I also understand that as a consultant, the face-to-face meeting is imperative. It really comes down to the goals of the meeting and personal preference, at least I think.
[...] I’ve ever read! It’s a little long, but Jeff Hurt did a fantastic job of explaining how technology does not lead to less meaningful relationships or isolation. The benefits of social networking are numerous, and texting someone rather than meeting [...]
[...] This post was inspired by reading a Jeff Hurt blog post called “Since When Did Virtual Not Become A Live Experience?“ [...]
Everyone has their favorite way of using the internet. Many of us search to find what we want, click in to a specific website, read what’s available and click out. That’s not necessarily a bad thing because it’s efficient. We learn to tune out things we don’t need and go straight for what’s essential.
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